To answer your question

So this weekend the Student Ministry at our church had their annual Elevation Weekend. We bring in a speaker and a band and the kids get to hang out with their friends and a college leader at homes of people in the church (brave people....actually blessed people) . This year's theme is Stripped Away and it centered on the life of Job.

For those of you who don't know the story, Job was someone who may have been considered God's favorite. He was a righteous man and a blessed man. So, Satan and God had a conversation about Job. Satan was certain that if everything was stripped away from Job that he would curse God. So, God let Satan have his way with Job. One by one all the things of value in Job's life were taken. His livelihood, his possessions, his family, his health were all pulled out from under him. And Job fell into despair. At first he handled it ok, but after a while it got under his skin and he started questioning God in a most demanding way. At that point God stepped in and made it very clear who He was and who Job was not.

I certainly can relate to Job. I'm definitely not saying that I am God's favorite or that I'm righteous. But I've had my share of suffering. My story in a nutshell is this, my dad died when I was in 7th grade, my sisters both died of breast cancer before I graduated from college, my mom died in 2001. About three years ago I thought I was going to be married and he dumped me and left me with a huge amount of debt that I incurred while he was unemployed. Within the past five months, I found my job ending, was diagnosed with cancer, had a hysterectomy and now am undergoing radiation. I'd say Stripped Away describes it.

Both Keith the speaker and Jenny the lead singer of the band asked me the same question and I don't know if I sufficiently answered it. "How is it that you're not angry?" I have to say that I have no answers to the big question of "why" but anger is not what I feel. Confusion yes. Fear sometimes. Despair occassionally. I went through a ton of anger at God and everyone surrounding the dumping incident, so much so that it stole my joy. I was miserable and miserable to be around. If I wasn't crying I was stewing and storming. Off to counseling I went. And it's been a ton of work and a ton of prayer, but the angry went away. When the job ended, the anger started to resurface. When the diagnosis came I knew that I did not want to turn back into that person that I had become as a result of the dumping and so I chose surrender instead of control. Keith said something tonight about the difference between asking God questions and demanding answers. When I got dumped, I demanded answers and it brought me nothing but misery because I don't think God heard me. (Now I have nothing Biblical to back that up, that just my explanation for the difference) But with this I have been asking questions and he has answered me not with the whys but with an immense outpouring of love, tons of peace and unspeakable joy.

Now, I'm just hopeful that God will do for me as he did for Job. Job received all that he had taken away 10 fold. But just like one of my favorite songs says, "there will be an end to these troubles but until that day comes, still I will praise you."

At least that's my answer today. I pray that it continues to be.