Your Love Never Fails

Sunday we did a new song, called "Your Love Never Fails."  It's actually an old song in modern worship circles, originally written in 2008 by Chris Mc Clarney, Anthony Skinner. These are the lyrics:
Verse 1:
Nothing can separate
Even if I ran away
Your love never fails
I know I still make mistakes
But You have new mercies for me everyday
Your love never fails
Chorus:
You stay the same through the ages
Your love never changes
There may be pain in the night but joy comes in the morning
And when the oceans rage
I don't have to be afraid
Because I know that You love me
Your love never fails
Verse 2:
The wind is strong and the water's deep
But I'm not alone here in these open seas
Cause Your love never fails
The chasm is far too wide
I never thought I'd reach the other side
But Your love never fails
Bridge:
You make all things work together for my good

I found this short bio of Chris McClarney on worshiptogether.com
http://www.worshiptogether.com/worship-leaders/?iid=182293

Take a few minutes and read it, and take few more minutes and Google the song, there are all sorts of recordings of it out there, everyone from Jesus Culture to the Newsboys. I guarantee it will speak to your heart.  Maybe it is just what you need right now.  Maybe it's just what you need to lay out there for a friend.  As I played it Sunday, I couldn't help but think of my dear friend Janet who in the last month has been through 3 of her 4 children having e coli, two of which suffered from a very serious complication called Hemolytic Uremic Syndrome.  Even now, her oldest child is in the hospital having to undergo dialysis because her kidneys have failed.  At the end of her post this morning detailing the ups and downs of her daughter's current condition she posted this scripture. "Because of the Lord ’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.” (Lamentations 3:22-24 NIV)

So be encouraged today. Despite what goes on around us in our daily lives, the politics of the nation, the media, and all the other stuff we worry about.  His love never fails.  He has it.  Learn that bridge and sing it to yourself, every minute of every day if you have to . "You make all things work together for my good. " Just thought we could all use the reminder today. 

Hunger Distracts Me

This morning, I sat down to have my devotion time. I did some reading, but before I could sit down to pray, my stomach rumbled and I followed it's call to breakfast. After I ate, I wrote this in my journal.

"I had to eat first, Lord. I'm sorry. My hunger distracted me. Isn't that true about everything? My hunger for the trivial keeps me from the important things. My hunger for ingesting music keeps my from spending my time practicing and becoming a better musician. My hunger for other people's stories keeps me from writing the stories that are in me. My hunger for stuff keeps me from using my finances wisely and moving forward. My hunger for leisure keeps me from working out consistently and being stronger physically. My plain, old, everyday hunger keeps me from sticking to my diet and being at the healthier weight I desire."

As I thought about those words, I did a search for the word, "hunger," and these are a few of the verses that came up.

Psalm 34:9-10 (ESV)

⁹ Oh, fear the Lord, you his saints,
    for those who fear him have no lack!
¹⁰ The young lions suffer want and hunger;
    but those who seek the Lord lack no good thing.

John 6: 26-35 (ESV)

 ²⁶ Jesus answered them, “Truly, truly, I say to you, you are seeking me, not because you saw signs, but because you ate your fill of the loaves. ²⁷ Do not work for the food that perishes, but for the food that endures to eternal life, which the Son of Man will give to you. For on him God the Father has set his seal. "²⁹ Jesus answered them, “This is the work of God, that you believe in him whom he has sent.” ³⁰ So they said to him, “Then what sign do you do, that we may see and believe you? What work do you perform? ³¹ Our fathers ate the manna in the wilderness; as it is written, ‘He gave them bread from heaven to eat.’” ³² Jesus then said to them, “Truly, truly, I say to you, it was not Moses who gave you the bread from heaven, but my Father gives you the true bread from heaven. ³³ For the bread of God is he who comes down from heaven and gives life to the world.” ³⁴ They said to him, “Sir, give us this bread always.” ³⁵ Jesus said to them, “I am the bread of life; whoever comes to me shall not hunger, and whoever believes in me shall never thirst.

Matthew 5:6 (ESV)

⁶ “Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied."

Philippians 4:11-13 (ESV)

 ¹¹ Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. ¹² I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. ¹³ I can do all things through him who strengthens me.

Evidently I am not alone in this. The disciples were distracted and they had Jesus right there in front of them. Here's my prayer I wrote for today, maybe it will be yours.

"Father, I pray that I would seek to be filled by you. Forgive me when I seek other things first. When distractions of hunger come my way, may the filling of your Spirit overtake the hunger and put me back on track. Help me to remember that those who seek you lack no good thing. I pray that as I seek contentment in you, I would find that the stuff of this world would melt away and I would find the strength to be all the you desire me to be."

 

Of Powdered Milk and Words that Echo

Kids are selfish. Psychologists refer to it as egocentricity. Life is all about them. That's why you have to teach children that sharing is a good thing. That is why you have to teach children to think about others and that the things they say matter. Sometimes that selfishness turns into bullying. Physical bullying is devastating, but sometimes it's the words that people say that end up reverberating across the years.

Me. First grade I think

I grew up the youngest in a family of five. My dad was a steel worker and my mom stayed at home with us. At one point, my grandmother lived with us. So, there were eight mouths to feed, plus whoever happened to be at the house at the time, a cousin, a friend, one of my sister's boyfriends or my brother's girls.  My mom did a pretty good job of it. We never went hungry, in fact we probably ate too well. Up to and through most of elementary school the one thing we rarely had was real, whole milk. I remember making milk out of the powdered stuff in the box. I guess my mom did it because it was cheaper than keeping all of us in real milk, I never asked her.  If you've ever had it, even skim milk is better. It was just chalky water. When I went to school for the first time, in first grade, we got real milk with our lunch! I loved those little red cartons with the check mark on them. It was an elixir straight from heaven. I would drink carton upon carton at the lunch table. It wasn't even chocolate milk, just real, whole milk.

I was not a small child. If you look at my first grade classroom picture, I was bigger and taller than a lot of the other kids. My brother couldn't find those pictures, but he did find these other gems. I come from Lithuanian farmer stock, I have a sturdy frame. I take after my Dad and my Aunt Sally, both of whom were big people. My brother-in-law used to say, "Strong like bull-woman, can pull plow." Make sure you use a Russian accent when you say that in your head. Oh, and let me make it clear that was in reference to my ancestors, not to me or my sisters.

Me, second or third grade. 

When you put those two things together, it basically puts a target on your back. I remember a girl whom I wanted desperately to be my friend. A girl whom I thought WAS my friend. One day while we sat at the lunch table, she said something like this, "Gosh, Chris, that's a lot of milk. What are you, a COW?"  I remember how much that hurt, even though in the moment I laughed at it. It hurt not just because she said it to me, but because she said it in front of the little boy that I thought was the cutest boy in the class. That boy laughed right along with her. And that nickname "Chris Cow" stuck around for a lot of that school year. Honestly, I think it stuck around with me for a lot longer than that. Even now, it comes back at me like an echo across the canyon of time. I don't think that was her intention when she said it. She tried to be funny and be noticed by that cute boy. However, there are times when I look in the mirror and don't like what I see, those words echo. Often, when I don't want to go to the gym or I want to dive face first into a slice of chocolate cake, those words echo.

Now, it is entirely possible that my recollection of the incident is completely wrong but the point is those words aren't truth. They weren't truth even then. She didn't know that milk was something that I only got to enjoy at school. Maybe it wasn't a big deal to her, but it was for me. There's that egocentric self the psychologists talk about. I made the mistake, too, of making those words my own. I didn't have truth that could drown that out. I am not saying that her words caused me to struggle with my weight my entire life. My weight problem is a lot more complicated than words said by a first grader. What I am saying is we need to teach kids (and ourselves) to find truth that drowns out the echo. I needed words like these to drown out that echo:

2 Corinthians 5:16-17 "So from now on we regard no one from a worldly point of view. Though we once regarded Christ in this way, we do so no longer. Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!" (NIV)

Romans 8:37-39 "No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.  For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." (NIV)

I John 4:16-17 "And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them. This is how love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment: In this world we are like Jesus." (NIV)

I pray that today when the lies that reverberate across our history enter your head and mine, we will replace them with truth.  I pray that as parents and significant adults in the lives of children, we will always speak truth and hope into their hearts. I pray that we will teach our children to use words that build up and not tear down. You see, these words are truth. New. Conqueror. Like Jesus.  There are so many more throughout scripture. These are the words that drown out the echo of lies and become the new sound of truth that reverberates across the canyon of time.

For I have learned to be content...maybe this time

"Actually, I don’t have a sense of needing anything personally. I’ve learned by now to be quite content whatever my circumstances. I’m just as happy with little as with much, with much as with little. I’ve found the recipe for being happy whether full or hungry, hands full or hands empty. Whatever I have, wherever I am, I can make it through anything in the One who makes me who I am."  Philippians 4: 11-13, The Message

Contentment. It's my constant struggle. I find myself daily, wanting. Wanting a new something, wanting a different job, wanting a relationship, wanting a family, wanting a new place to live. Every single time I have let the want overtake my contentment, I have paid a price. In December, I paid an actual price for allowing my want to have its day.

My kitchen/office at Christmas

I live in a small apartment above a garage. It's cute, and cozy and other than the fact that I don't have a stove and I have to combine living spaces (office/kitchen, living room/bedroom) it's really quite lovely. Here, I am under the watch-care of one of the kindest and most caring families a person could ask to be near. Compared to many, many people, it's a palace. I am blessed. But, in my head and heart at times, I don't find myself blessed. I find myself comparing it to my dream house. I get caught up in thinking about how old I am and what the world says I should have. "Chris, you're nearly 50, shouldn't you have your own place by now? Something you can call your own?" my Wormwood whispers in my ear. "Think how different your life would be if you had your own place. If you were closer to downtown. If you had a writing and music space, you would be so much more creative."  (It should be said that this isn't the first time this year I've thought about moving. Earlier in the year, I was inches away from moving to Wilmington, NC.  Thankfully, the Lord closed that door for me. My portable job wasn't portable enough to move there. When the time is right, the door will open, or perhaps it won't.) 

This is not the home, but it's what it looked like in my head.

Off to the real estate websites I went, armed with unrealistic expectations of what I wanted and what I could really afford. In the past, when this discontent came my way, I wouldn't find anything. This time, I found two places.  Surely, this was the Lord. One was an apartment above a store on Princess Anne Street and one was an apartment in what was the old Maury School. The centrality of the building and the shiny finishes of the apartment in the school grabbed me. I put down a deposit and filled out an application.  Almost immediately, I started to panic. For the cost, the space wasn't all that different from where I live. It was a studio apartment with little delineation in living space. Was it really worth it? If I had just listened to the Lord at that moment! I was determined, it was time to move on. I went back to my websites and found a house, for the same amount. A house. My dream. This was definitely a gift from God. He knew my heart, this was the thing that would make me happy, having my own space. Once again, God tried to put up a barrier, the agent didn't want to move my deposit. I was yet determined. I made it happen. I went to see the house, and even though it was old, it was quaint, and more space than I could have dreamed of. I knew it would be tight financially, but it was time to move forward. I could make this happen. I signed the lease and put down the first month's rent. 

It was then that full fledged panic set in. I was in way over my head. The rent amount would take up a high percentage of my paycheck, and there were utilities on top of that. The numbers, which I only ran until AFTER I signed the lease, weren't adding up. I am not a person who doesn't sleep. I didn't sleep a wink that night. I am not a person who feels anxiety, even when I was diagnosed with cancer, I didn't feel the panic like I did looking at those numbers. My blood pressure went through the roof. The only thing that calmed me even slightly was assurance of God giving me Jeremiah 29:11-13, "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon me an come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart."  I cried a lot. I prayed a lot. I must have scared poor Ellie as I stood in the Glasgow's kitchen in the midst of a panic attack crying and asking Sharon if they had plans for my apartment yet. Thankfully, they had promised it to no one. I decided the best thing to do was to write the woman who owned the house and ask to be let out of the lease. I would just be honest with her about my situation. Surely, she would have mercy. 

She did, sort of. She let me out of the lease. She kept all that money. I thought for certain that God would spare me that. Not so much. Now, I live with the consequences of responding to my lack of contentment instead of resting in the place that Lord has me. There is no need to feel too sorry for me, but if you know someone who needs guitar lessons, you could send them my way. ;-)

I don't mean we shouldn't move forward in life, have goals, or even want things. I am not saying even that obstacles are signs that God is not in it. If that were the case, the Emancipation Proclamation would never had been passed, polio would never had been cured, and we never would have landed on the moon. I do mean we must be certain that it's really what God wants for us and not just the cry of our deceptive hearts. Sometimes, what I think is a step forward in faith, is a lunge for something I want that God doesn't want for me at the moment. He may allow doors to be opened that I shouldn't walk through to remind me that my contentment doesn't come from that person or thing or place, it comes from Him and only Him. That's why God tells us to test all things that come our way. Only if I had actually done what I know I should have.

Maybe, I've learned this lesson this time. You see, it's not the first time that God has had to remind me the hard way that my contentment comes only from Him. I have a tendency to fall off the rails in this area. Hopefully, it makes me more empathetic to those who fall in this and other areas. I read this verse this morning, and it's my prayer for today. 2 Corinthians 1:12, "For our boast is this, the testimony of our conscience, that we behaved in the world with simplicity and godly sincerity, not by earthly wisdom but by the grace of God, and supremely so toward you."