Last week in my BSF lesson, we talked about Matthew 15, this story has been rattling around in my head all week.
21 Leaving that place, Jesus withdrew to the region of Tyre and Sidon. 22 A Canaanite woman from that vicinity came to him, crying out, “Lord, Son of David, have mercy on me! My daughter is demon-possessed and suffering terribly.”
23 Jesus did not answer a word. So his disciples came to him and urged him, “Send her away, for she keeps crying out after us.”
24 He answered, “I was sent only to the lost sheep of Israel.”
25 The woman came and knelt before him. “Lord, help me!” she said.
26 He replied, “It is not right to take the children’s bread and toss it to the dogs.”
27 “Yes it is, Lord,” she said. “Even the dogs eat the crumbs that fall from their master’s table.”
28 Then Jesus said to her, “Woman, you have great faith! Your request is granted.” And her daughter was healed at that moment.
Some people are bothered by Jesus' reaction to this woman; that the God of compassion would turn her away. He does it not once, but three times! I am initially a little bothered by it, but then I remember how many times Jesus did things like this to test the resolve of those who approached, to see if what they asked for is what they really want or to teach his disciples something.
But in my case, it's this woman whom I keep thinking about. This Canaanite woman from Greece (that's in the Mark version) begging Jesus for help. Lest we forget, the Canaanites were the people the Israelites conquered in order to take possession of the Promised Land. So, I am guessing a group of Jews weren't exactly welcome guests in Tyre and Sidon. Despite that, she's heard about this Jesus and the things that he's done. This Gentile who likely worshiped the Baals or perhaps Greek gods, cries out, "Lord, Son of David have mercy on me.." That's a big step of faith and of cultural courage. She gets nothing but silence from Jesus and she makes the disciples uncomfortable. They ask Jesus to send her away. Jesus makes it clear that he's not there to help her, or so it appears. This woman approaches him, kneels before him, and says, "Lord, help me." Jesus quips that he should not share what is rightfully the "children's" with "the dogs." This woman, so clever, so desperate, so full of faith that Jesus can save her daughter, counters with "even dogs eat crumbs from the master's table." This. This is what Jesus has been waiting for, for her persistent faith, for her unwavering faith in the face of what seems to be complete rejection by the one she thinks can solve her problems who can give her what she really needs and really wants.
As I look at my own life, this is what I seem to lack. I'm getting better at some things, but being unyielding and hanging on by faith is not how I'm wired. Maybe it's all the stuff I've been through that has done that. I've learned to be better at saying "Okay, God, I don't like it, but okay," rather than continuing to ask, continuing to plead, continuing to have faith that God has something not just okay, but amazing for me. I have gotten pretty good at being okay with okay. Where is the line between "being content in all circumstances" and having that persistent faith? As I continue this job search, (and in other areas of my life) that is my dilemma. (Well, that and I don't really know what I want to be when I grow up.)
This coming Monday, I have only my second face-to-face interview in my a little over a month of unemployment. The job is in Frederick, Maryland. It's a job I applied to because, for unemployment purposes you have to show you're looking. It was one of the few jobs that I found last week that didn't require some kind of clearance. (Ah, the joys of DC.) My initial reaction to this opportunity was "ick," and "really, really, THIS is the door you're opening for me." As a young friend of mine said on my Facebook page...you must be mistaken I said FREDERICKsburg not FREDERICK. Now, I may get there and find it's amazing and Frederick would be a great place to move to. (I would have to move, I'm not built for a 2 hour plus each way daily commute). But, maybe God is using it to do a couple other things. 1. Make me really focus and decide what I want to do and where I want to do it. 2. Give me a chance to cling, to be persistent, to not waver..to not be okay with just okay.
Maybe it's time I live like this Canaanite woman.
Thursday, January 23, 2014
Tuesday, January 21, 2014
White as Snow
"If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. If we claim we have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar and his word is not in us." I John 1:8-10
"Purge me with hyssop and I shall be clean. Wash me and I shall be whiter than snow." Psalm 51:7
It's supposed to snow today, a deep blanket of white that will hide the ugly brown of winter. It will sparkle and glisten. The world will be quiet and clean and beautiful. We will revel in it, play in it, and find joy in it.
As someone who grew up in Pennsylvania, though, I know that all that white eventually turns into gray gunk that drags us into the winter doldrums. You have to shovel it, it gets your feet wet, it makes for messy driving and for cranky people. And yet, when fresh flurries come, there's still a marveling at the clean white that falls from the sky and blankets the earth.
I have made my choice, my eternity is secure. In God's eyes, I am white as snow. But because I'm still here, I am going to continue to make gray gunk out of my life. So today, as I wait for the snow to fall, confession is my theme.
Forgive me:
For being puffed up
For concentrating on the words and not on You, Jesus
For not believing
For my heart that wanders
For thinking less of others
For having blinders on and cotton in my ears
For having my head down and my eyes on the screen
For rushing from one thing to the next
For having small faith
For listening to every voice other than Yours
For forgetting
For lying to make myself look good
For not praying, not loving, not serving
For keeping my mouth shut when I should speak
For speaking when I should keep my mouth shut
For putting myself at the front of the line
For stubbornness, pride, and envy
For seeing others as what they do and not who they are
For lacking compassion
For not trusting You
That's just some of my gray gunk, Lord. Thank you for the fresh blanket of white that falls as I lay it down. Thank you that it brings joy and I can see beauty again. Hope becomes my theme.
"Purge me with hyssop and I shall be clean. Wash me and I shall be whiter than snow." Psalm 51:7
It's supposed to snow today, a deep blanket of white that will hide the ugly brown of winter. It will sparkle and glisten. The world will be quiet and clean and beautiful. We will revel in it, play in it, and find joy in it.
As someone who grew up in Pennsylvania, though, I know that all that white eventually turns into gray gunk that drags us into the winter doldrums. You have to shovel it, it gets your feet wet, it makes for messy driving and for cranky people. And yet, when fresh flurries come, there's still a marveling at the clean white that falls from the sky and blankets the earth.
I have made my choice, my eternity is secure. In God's eyes, I am white as snow. But because I'm still here, I am going to continue to make gray gunk out of my life. So today, as I wait for the snow to fall, confession is my theme.
Forgive me:
For being puffed up
For concentrating on the words and not on You, Jesus
For not believing
For my heart that wanders
For thinking less of others
For having blinders on and cotton in my ears
For having my head down and my eyes on the screen
For rushing from one thing to the next
For having small faith
For listening to every voice other than Yours
For forgetting
For lying to make myself look good
For not praying, not loving, not serving
For keeping my mouth shut when I should speak
For speaking when I should keep my mouth shut
For putting myself at the front of the line
For stubbornness, pride, and envy
For seeing others as what they do and not who they are
For lacking compassion
For not trusting You
That's just some of my gray gunk, Lord. Thank you for the fresh blanket of white that falls as I lay it down. Thank you that it brings joy and I can see beauty again. Hope becomes my theme.
Don't panic...this is from Snowmageddon a couple years ago
Monday, January 20, 2014
I Lift My Eyes
I lift up my eyes to the mountains—where does my help come from?My help comes from the Lord,
the Maker of heaven and earth. Psalm 121:1-2
I lift my eyes to you this morning, Jesus. You are my hope and peace. You are my provision and security. You are my strength and health.
I will choose to rest in you today, Lord. You are my hope, not any job I might find. You are my joy, not any person I might meet. You are my security, not the amount in my checking account. You are my strength, not the number of situps I can do or my mental toughness.
This is a moment by moment choice for me, Lord. The real world without these choices can overwhelm and shake my foundation. I lift my eyes to you. You are my help.
the Maker of heaven and earth. Psalm 121:1-2
I lift my eyes to you this morning, Jesus. You are my hope and peace. You are my provision and security. You are my strength and health.
I will choose to rest in you today, Lord. You are my hope, not any job I might find. You are my joy, not any person I might meet. You are my security, not the amount in my checking account. You are my strength, not the number of situps I can do or my mental toughness.
This is a moment by moment choice for me, Lord. The real world without these choices can overwhelm and shake my foundation. I lift my eyes to you. You are my help.
Friday, January 10, 2014
He Who Sits on the Throne
Dear children, keep yourselves from idols. I John 5:21
I find it interesting that this is the last statement in this book about love. What keeps me from sharing my abundance with others? Fear of not having it when I need it (I John 4:8) and avarice, that is love for money. When does my love for my family overshadow my love for God? When family becomes the center of my world.
It takes me back to college and the image that Campus Crusade used of a throne.
A throne in medieval times was what kingdoms fought over, it was the seat of power, the place of judgment, and the source of hope and help. What sits on my throne? As a Christian it's supposed to be Jesus. But more often than not though, I have to knock something off so he can take his rightful place. I hope to one day not to have to do this daily, to be that strong. But for right now, let me push off the things I let have power over me, put my hope in, and seek help from so the only One who can truly do those things may have his place.
A throne in medieval times was what kingdoms fought over, it was the seat of power, the place of judgment, and the source of hope and help. What sits on my throne? As a Christian it's supposed to be Jesus. But more often than not though, I have to knock something off so he can take his rightful place. I hope to one day not to have to do this daily, to be that strong. But for right now, let me push off the things I let have power over me, put my hope in, and seek help from so the only One who can truly do those things may have his place.
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