Job Safari

So I realized this morning that I've been unemployed for 6 months. How is that possible?? I know that a huge portion of that was spent in cancer treatment, but how is that possible?

I coined a new phrase this morning while chatting on Facebook with a friend from high school...job safari. And I have to tell you that's kind of what it feels like, troweling the internet for that unattainable white lion, the perfect job. Part of my problem is my perfect job and what I need right now are in conflict. You see my perfect job would involve a super flexible schedule that allowed me to do things like write in my blog, or workout or work on a book or spend all day watching old NCIS episodes. But that doesn't seem to be what is out there. My perfect job would allow me to use all the uniqueness that is me (God fearing, guitar playing, technically savvy, creative, heart for people, fascinated with all things Hollywood, non-political but concerned about things bigger than me, easily distracted, teenager-loving, not driven enough for the size of dreams I have, communicative but non-verbal...) as part of the job. But it doesn't seem to be out there. In fact the only really good prospect I have right now is about as opposite all those things as possible. As I get older my desire to not just punch a clock or do something that's not in my heart gets smaller and smaller. I'm fortunate in that I don't have to worry about anyone else. That's also why I'm unfortunate, cancer treatment and follow up is expensive without insurance.

I get a lot of e-mails from job websites. I've registered with every one I can find. And they all read like this one I just got, "Christine--don't miss these high paying careers." Here's the rub, I wish the part of me that trusted God to provide was smaller than the part that perks up when I see that. I wish more of me was a dreamer and less of me was worried about paying the bills on time or getting insurance coverage.

That's why sometimes I find myself hiding behind a rock instead of out tramping through the savannah looking at all the possibilities out there. I wonder if I'm settling instead of seeking. Quivering in fear instead of stepping out into the adventure.

I know that a job isn't who you are, but I would hope it would be better if it was at least close. I think of my friend Dale. He's an artist, a true artist. He's working on a new painting as I type these words. It is so full of him and the God who loves him, it's humbling. http://www.daleglasgow.com/ check out his work.

So as I continue this job safari, I hope that I approach it with a sense of adventure and anticipation, not dread and drudgery. Surely, I can believe God when he says ,"Plans for a hope and a future."