Here We Go Again

So here I go again, trying to be a blogger. I just opened this up and saw that once again, it's been since August since I wrote. Not really going to develop much of a following if I keep writing at this pace. Unless what I'm writing is has some great literary value, which it does not.

But I think part of my problem with this is part of my problem with life in general, I can't seem to stick to much of anything. Diets, exercise programs, songwriting, guitar playing, blogging, heck even friendships; whenever takes more than a cursory effort, I fall flat on my face with it. I get so distracted. I get so caught up in stuff that deep down I know doesn't have real value. It's like a part of me doesn't want to be really good at anything. I manage to lose a few pounds, I manage to get consistent for a time with exercise, I'm a good enough guitar player to teach a few lessons to be beginners, I'm an okay friend as long as I see you enough to make it work. Where does this come from? It's a part of my character I really don't like. I wish I was better at all these things, but that would involve sacrifice. That would involve stepping out of my comfort zone. That would involve being vulnerable in some way. Wow, that's pretty scary.

So, here I go again. Trying to blog, trying to be transparent about a life that to me seems pretty shallow, pretty selfish, and honestly pretty boring. But then I think, well isn't blogging about what I think and feel just another reflection of how self-centered I really am? My friends have blogs that show pictures of their beautiful families or talk about what they've read or projects they are working on or opinions they have. I don't know that I have any of that to offer. What do I do every day? Get up, work, workout, scoop the cat box, watch TV, and go to bed. Sometimes there's a shower in there, sometimes there's a trip to the grocery store or Target to try to fill the hole. Most days there's an attempt at a devotional time or Bible study or reading. There's weekly guitar lessons and there's a lot of Facebook, my attempts at being in touch with the outside world. There's way too much TV.

But, here we go again. I'm going to try this again. I can't promise when the next post will be. I can't begin to predict what the next post will be. But hopefully I will start to look out instead of just in all the time. I know that the abundant life Christ promises us doesn't reside in my head or in my tiny apartment. It's out there somewhere. Maybe you can walk with me while I look for it.