Just Grass

"As for man, his days are like grass; he flourishes like a flower of the field; for the wind passes over it, and it is gone, and its place knows it no more. But the steadfast love of the LORD is from everlasting to everlasting on those who fear him" (Ps. 103:15-17a)

My friend Tony Merida posted that this morning as his status. Yesterday was a weird day in America, we lost two pop culture icons, Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson. Also earlier in the week Ed McMahon died. Now I do not know any of these people only the personas that were out there for the world to see. I know that each had an impact on American and even world culture to some degree.

I grew up with Michael Jackson, he was just five years older than me. As a kid I was more than a little teen idol crazy, my favorite was Donny Osmond. The Osmonds and the Jackson walked parallel tracks to stardom in the 70's and were in all the same magazines. My older brother used to like to tease me by taking my Donny Osmond poster and turning it over to put Michael's face on my wall instead. When I need to smile, I pull out my Jackson Five CD and listen to ABC or I Want You Back. I remember staying up late to watch the "Thriller" video debut on Halloween night and the Pepsi commercial filming when Michael's hair caught on fire. As he got older, he got weirder. In my mind I have to attribute some of that to never really having a normal childhood of any kind and to the reported abuses by his father. He was a man with a sick heart, not physically but spritually, looking for love and acceptance in changing his appearance, spending money like it was water, remaining and child and perhaps doing unthinkable things to children. Depending on the Michael you first knew, I think your perspective on his passing is different.

My brother had "that" poster of Farrah, the one of with all her hair and teeth in that one-piece red bathing suit. We were avid watchers of Charlie's Angels. My cousins and I used to pretend we were them. Heck, I even have a picture of me and some friends doing the Charlie's Angels pose at a wedding a few years ago! She married, then divorced Lee Majors. She fought to be seen as a serious actress and not just a pretty face. She had a long, rocky, and crazy relationship with Ryan O'Neal. Three years ago, Farrah contracted malignant anal cancer. Even as a cancer survivor the sound of that just makes me cringe. In these past months especially her fight with this disease has been in the spotlight, she took cameras with her to document her journey. I didn't see the documentary, but from what I heard it was powerful and insightful and knowing the indignity of cancer treatment certainly brave.

Then there was Ed McMahon. The jovial sidekick of Johnny Carson. The host of one of the original reality show, "Star Search" and pitchman extraordinaire. For me, Ed will always be remembered as Jerry Lewis' sidekick on the MDA Labor Day telethon. Up until a few years ago, I never missed that telethon, crying through the whole thing. Ed lived to be 86 and really only in the past few years had struggled with health issues and had financial problems. Ed had a number of physical ailments at the end that took him including cancer and pneumonia.

So, like Tony posted this morning. All of us are like grass. Sometimes grass grows tall and long and dies after a long life (for grass that is). Sometimes grass gets sick and dies slowly and painfully. Sometimes grass gets burnt up quickly in a firestorm. Ed, Farrah and Michael, grass. You and me, grass. The real question is for whom did the grass live? Did they live for themselves or fame or their families or did they live for God and trust in Jesus to save them.

Today we will indulge in remembrances of those lost. Perhaps the media will get carried away (okay, they already have). It's my hope that these losses will remind us that we are all grass and we need to focus on who we are living for and how we live Jesus out and share Jesus with those around us.

Chick Flicks

So I saw two really funny chick flicks this week. The first was "My Life in Ruins" Nia Vardalos (My Big Fat Greek Wedding) goes to Greece as a college professor but ends up a tour guide with a second rate tour company. It definitely was not as good as My Big Fat Greek Wedding, but it was cute distraction. Richard Dreyfus was engaging as always. And the guy who played "Poopy Kakas" (yes, I'm serious that was his character's name) was hunky in that Greek kind of way.

The other was "The Proposal" with Sandra Bullock, Ryan Reynolds and Betty White. It's so nice to see Sandra back in her stride. She created a character that was so obnoxious yet so funny and then so vulnerable that you fell in love with her, just like Ryan Reynolds does in the film. There are so many funny, funny scenes and Reynolds is sarcastic in the right places and sweet in others. Now, everyone should know that there is a scene where you see a lot more of Sandy than anyone other than her husband should see, but it's done for the sake of comedy and you don't actually see anything. Betty White is hilarious as Reynold's grandmother. She's fiesty and sweet and just completely the perfect grandmother. This is laugh out loud funny and will give Sandra the boost back to the top of her game again. And Reynolds is quite the hottie. I have to say that I was disappointed to find out that Scarlett Johansen snatched himup. ;-)

How to Make Writing in Your Blog

So this morning I returned a book the the library.."How to Make Money Off Your Blog." It was one of those books that I took out of the library but never read...but one things for sure, I'll bet it would say that to make money off your blog you have to write in it regularly. I can't believe it's been as long as it has since I've posted an entry.

For those you who don't know, I did finally get a job. I'm working for a small gov't contractor writing training curriculum. It works great in some ways cause I get to work from home and they pay me for all my OT. So, that's part of the reason I've been silent...working long hours at the computer doesn't exactly make you want to go back to the computer and write more.

The job isn't my dream job by any means, but the pay is good and you certainly can't beat the commute. But these past weeks have certainly reminded me how easy it can get to let your life get out of balance. The lure of overtime pay pulled me into working a lot of overtime and I guess I should be thankful that I got tired of it pretty quickly. But it does become very easy living by yourself to become a hermit. I understand how it can happen.

Today Todd started a new series, called Under the Sun about Ecclesiasties and today he talked about work. He talked about work becoming a "functional savior" in our lives. One of the things that this begins to shine a light on about me is I need something else to spend my time on. Writing here, writing songs, spending time with friends, spending time in the Word. So this is my first effort toward that, making writing in my blog

American Idol fans everywhere

Okay, so this morning I was watching the Today show to see Kris Allen and Adam Lambert perform. Of course they put it at the very end of the 8 o'clock hour and teased us and teased us with showing them rehearsing and in the green room, etc. But this is the thing I thought was funny.
On the show this morning was Sara Jane Moore. She was one of the women in the 70's who tried assassinate President Ford. Matt interviewed her. She was my age when she committed her crime and she's been in jail for 32 years. They talked about lots of things, why she did what she did, why she decided to come forward, what life is like now, how prison changed her. She's an interesting woman, extremely sharp for being in her 80's and having been in prison for that long. She looks like an ordinary grandmother.
So here's the funny part, during Kris and Adam's performances, they showed the crowd as they always do. Lots of young people with cameras, singing along, lots of signs and screaming. And guess who was right there with the rest of them, Sara Jane Moore. It just goes to show you that American Idol fans are truly everywhere...even little old ladies who have been in prison for the past 32 years. It made me laugh. Pop culture at its best. Had to share.

Go ahead and call me a nerd

I went to see the new Star Trek movie yesterday in IMAX. Here's my recommendation: run, don't walk to the closest theater to see this movie!

I have enjoyed Star Trek most of my life. I'm not a Trekkie or even a fan really. I can't tell you any minute details about this series or that series, I don't own any memorabilia, I have to think really hard to tell the difference between a Romulan and a Klingon and a Ferengi. But like most Americans I know who Kirk, Spock, Uhura, Chechov and the rest of the crew are. I know the catch phrases and the quirks of their characters. It is completely obvious in this film that JJ Abrams is a fan and knows all those things too, but he helps us understand where all those things come from in this movie. His casting was perfect. Chris Pine as Kirk shows he can handle big shoes, Zachary Quinto as Spock is completely engaging and as complicated as ever. I have to say that I think Simon Pegg as Scotty was my favorite though. The writing is face paced and witty. The acting is really acting, not just action with a little acting thrown in for good measure. The special effects were clean and clear. And seeing it in IMAX, even from the second row made it even better.

Sequels and remakes are always risky, you have the opportunity to reignite our imaginations or squelch them. I think that Abrams found the right balance of old and new in order to reignite the imaginations of fanatics, fans and novices. It's fun and funny and with an engaging story line and characters that you really like.

I went to this movie with my friend Andew, he is a true Star Trek fan, (I think he can speak Klingon) my friend Kate was there as well, she has never seen any Star Trek at all (how is that possible I wonder) and BOTH of them loved it. This IS going to be the summer movie to beat. I won't foolishly hope for the academy to notice, but the box office will prove this movies worth this summer.

I am at the end of my rope...

I grew up in the 70's and 80's and in school the Scholastic people sold in addition to books, posters. I remember one with a cat hanging on to the end of a rope. I'm pretty sure it must have said something about being at the end of your rope, though I can't recall exactly. But that's the image I have in mind when I think of that phrase, or at least I did until last Sunday.

Last Sunday I woke up with a startling revelation. It was May 3, which meant Monday was May 4. No I don't have a fear of the number 4, or think that on 5/4/09 Jesus was coming back. No, I just realized that on 5/4/09 I had a date with the civil court in Fredericksburg over a credit card debt. That's one thing some of you might not know, I'm in debt. That's probably not unlike you although I hope none of you are in the place I am. It's a long story that I could go into but won't. It has to do with a girl who thought she was in love and did whatever she could to help out a guy and got herself in a really bad place in a lot of ways and then the guy left her holding the bag. I've been fighting my way out of this hole for the past three years with the help of a debt settlement company. It's been a long fight and I'm close to being out. I would warn you to make sure you look at the tax ramifications of using debt settlement as opposed to credit counseling services before you move. Anyway, I was startled awake by that fact. The week before I'd been on the phone with the settlement company and they were close to a settlement, but it hadn't come about by Friday which meant I was due in court on Monday. I didn't have a lawyer or the money to pay one. I was scared and overwhelmed. It was yet another moment in this craziness that has been my life these past months. My tendency at times like that is to either run to someone else to solve my problem for me or to hide from it. At at the end of my rope Iam usually clinging to it for dear life or trying to scramble for the top.

This time though, I decided to let go. I didn't go to church, in fact I don't think I even showered until 5PM. I spent most of the morning and afternoon writing in my journal, reading my Bible and praying. I NEVER do that. I may spend a half an hour or so in quiet, but hours? You would think because I live by myself I would cherish the quiet and the opportunity to spend time with the Lord. Unfortunately, I don't. I spend more of my morning with Matt, Meredith, Al and Ann most days than I do with God. The quiet reminds me that I'm alone and most days that's too scary. But this day I NEEDED it. Later in the day I wrote an e-mail to a few select friends and asked them to pray.

This was part of what I wrote:
"So I ask that you please pray for me (as I know you have been and am grateful for) as I run up on this hurdle for wisdom as to what to do and the strength to keep my head up and eyes on Jesus. I have to admit, I'm awful tired of this."

So Monday morning came and I went to court. (Which in itself could be an entire post) Sharon went with me. My stomach the entire time grumbled and tumbled, it was embarrassing. Finally after about an hour they called my name and I approached the bench. I told the judge about the movement with the debt settlement company and he gave me a continuance! I was so relieved and so thankful.

Sunday I wrote this in my journal as well about job hunting:
"I am out of ideas for job hunting. I am out of strength to keep looking a digging. I need YOU to do it. I am out of creativity and ideas. So I ask You to be all those things in me."

After court I went home and changed clothes and hit the job boards again. It was the only thing I knew to do. My mantra had become, "just keep swimming." Thank you Dorie. While I was working on that, I got a message from a friend who worked in the school system. Would I be willing to work a short term job covering for someone at South Stafford checking ID's? I immediately saw this as a gift from heaven and jumped at it.

Then Tuesday while I was working the desk at the school, I got a voicemail. That company that I thought had turned me down, they called. They wanted to hire me! That was followed by a call from Wegmans wanting to interview me. By the end of Tuesday my head was literally spinning.

Last Sunday, I reached the end of my rope and this time instead of trusting in myself and my strength, I let go. Once again, that amazing God who promises to never leave us or forsake us, who tells us that he holds us in the palm of his hand, who hides us in the shadow of his wing proved what I'd forgotten. HE is faithful and HE will do it. WE just have to get out of the way and let HIM move and work.

Now, I'd like to say "lesson learned" and check it off my list of things that God has to change in me in order to make me more like Him. But guess what, knowing me probably not. So the next time you see me clinging to my rope like that kitten in the poster, feel free to remind me to let go.

Roller Coaster Ride

I'm not exactly a fan of amusement parks. I've lived here for almost 20 years and I've been to King's Dominion maybe two hands full...maybe. Growing up in Pittsburgh the big thing was to go to Kennywood every year for the "school picnic." (Yes we actually were allowed to take a day off school to go to an amusement park)I never went, even though (if memory serves me) you had to go to school that day if you didn't go to the park. Partially I think because we didn't have the money for us to go and partially because it just didn't interest me. I don't think I ever actually rode a roller coaster until I was 13 or 14 at Cedar Point on one of our few family vacations. Let me make this very clear, though I am not a fan of amusement parks, I LOVE Disney World. In my mind they are not even the same thing.


Of course one of the reasons people love amusement parks is that it seems everyone loves roller coasters. I don't. It used to be that they just scared me. Some still do. You won't ever catch me dangling from a harness being dropped a million feet. The heights, the speed, the being upside down none of it appeals to me. I really, really don't like the prolonged tilted to one side whipping around a curve feeling like you could pop out of the seat any second like being slung out of a slingshot. Part of that came too because I've always been overweight and I never felt like the harness could lock adequately over me. Now that I've lost some weight, that might not be an issue, but still that feeling of you're going to plunge to your death is not what I live for. I go on them, but they usually aren't fun to me.





Well this past week has been a roller coaster. One minute filled with hope climbing to the top of a hill, the next reeling toward the bottom and certain death. Last Friday, was a top of the hill moment. I had what I thought was a great interview. The one interviewer and I hit it off, the other sounded skeptical at first, but I thought I'd won him over by the time I was done. This job would have been great and I was counting all the ways I could bless others (and myself to be honest) with the mondo salary it would have paid. And I never would have to leave my kitchen to do the work. Saturday even though it was hot as Hades, I kept climbing because I got to help work on a fence for Sharon's garden with my precious Glasgow family. I fell in a post hole and got stung by a bee, but it was worth it to help them one iota of how they've helped me. Sunday was a little dip, going to the funeral of a friend's mother, but honestly felt uplifted by the love of the family and the friends with whom I went. Monday for the most part was smooth and even until Monday afternoon. I came home opened my e-mail and plunged over the edge. They didn't want me. No feedback, just "we won't be needing your services at this time." Luckily I didn't have time to hit the bottom, because I had to go work at the music store. There's something to be said for not being able to dwell on things. Tuesday I tried my best to chug up the other side of that hill, hitting the internet job boards and having a walk and talk with my friend who perpetually thinks outside the box. But all it took was a look at my checkbook or a thought about how pitiful this job market is to send me over another peak.



So, it's been like that all week, climb a little, fall a little, climb a little, fall a little. Today was a more of a climb than a fall thankfully. I got a part time job at Lane Bryant. It's a climb I know and I'm trying to see it as such, not as a fall (since it only pays $7.00 an hour). But there has been lots of climbing today. The best one is that Dr G looked inside me today and "I don't see any cancer!" Suddenly, I hear KC and the Sunshine band in my head,"That's the way, uh huh, uh huh, I like it!!" Also the debt settlement company is settling one of my larger debts as I type. But I know the plunge is coming again, but that's okay.



You see, I remember being told that being a roller coaster Christian was a bad thing. But I think they got the metaphor wrong. Here's what I think. Life IS a roller coaster. Unless you're Simon Cowell or Barack Obama or someone else who seems to have a charmed life, life is nothing but ups and downs. Sometimes it's smooth and easy like a kiddie roller coaster and sometimes it's a deep plunge or a sudden turn to the left or right or a complete turn upside down. I've become wise enough (ok, I just set myself up for a fall for saying I have any wisdom) to know that it's not the ride that matters, it's what holds you in place. The reason roller coasters freak me out is because I don't trust the harness. In the real rollercoaster of LIFE, I've learned to trust my harness, Jesus Christ. He's what holds me in place and keeps me safe even though life is going in every kind of direction. It's only when I forget WHO holds me that I get freaked out. And thankfully, at least lately, it's been only for short periods of time (I was going to say momentarily, but that wasn't close to accurate) that I forget.


Here's some things to help us all remember:


Psalm 9:9-10: The LORD is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble.
Those who know your name will trust in you, for you, LORD, have never forsaken those who seek you.


Psalm 28: 6-8: Praise be to the LORD, for he has heard my cry for mercy. The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to him in song. The LORD is the strength of his people, a fortress of salvation for his anointed one.


Psalm 56:3-4 When I am afraid, I will trust in you. In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I will not be afraid. What can mortal man do to me?


And it goes on and on in Psalms and Proverbs.

So as I prepare for the next plunge or twist or turn, I remember that it's my harness that keeps me safe. Thank you Jesus for being that harness.